I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
