My hand turned me down
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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