Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
