3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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