Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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