you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
