i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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