from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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