Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
