just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
