it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
