when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
