I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
