First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have fence marks all over my body
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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