guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
