This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
