he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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