I bet he comes in French.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
