I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
