wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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