ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize