I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
