we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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