Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
