she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
