No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
