this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
