She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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