i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
