Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
