who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
