you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
