May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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