The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
