Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
