i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
