Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
