i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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