I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
