Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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