He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
