I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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