Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
