Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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