He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
