Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
