Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
