i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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