Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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