well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
