Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
